Thursday, December 12, 2013
A Quote, Once Again
Another Quote
“The consequence of this is that I'm always finding humans at their best and worst. I see their ugly and their beauty, and I wonder how the same thing can be both. (Death)”
My Overall Life
"We Remain" by Christina Aguilera.
A summary of my life with love, loss, knowledge,friends, and family.
Monday, December 9, 2013
Sunday, December 8, 2013
The Shoulder Shrug
I stole another book called The Shoulder Shrug. Papa and I were halfway to Himmel Street when I could no longer take it. I confessed and he took it from me. He opened it; it was hot and wet. I asked if he would tell Mama and he asked the reason why he would. He then said no. He also said that there was no point of him buying any books when I stole them faster. He told me to not steal any more books. I couldn't speak.
Writing Letters
In the middle of January, we started to just write letters. Rudy wrote letters to me, and they went something like this: Dear Saumensch, Are you still as useless at soccer as you were the last time we played? I hope so. That means I can run past you again just like Jesse Owens at the Olympics..." Sister Maria saw them and asked if he felt like visiting the corridor. He said no and his letter was ripped up so he could write a new one. I decided to write one to Rudy. When I came home, I thought it was ridiculous. I asked Papa if I could write one to Mama. He thought I meant my new Mama and laughed, and I told him about the other Mama. He said he guessed so. So I did, and that night, I heard Mama and Papa talking. Mama was asking why I was sending the letter, and Papa said that I asked him and he couldn't say no. Mama said I should just forget about my other Mama. In bed, I hugged myself tight. I thought of Mama and wondered: Where was she? What had they done to her? Who were they?
Papa, My Book, and a Fight
Papa saw my book and I told him about it. He asked me if I wanted to read it and I agreed. He hesitated a lot and said that it's been a while since he read. He started teaching me the alphabet. I got it down and we started reading together. But at school, when everyone had to read, Sister Maria let everyone read but me. That Saukerl Rudy told her and she didn't want me to. She gave me the book anyway and I walked to the front of the class. I opened my mouth and I realized that it didn't make sense to me. I was about to cry. I couldn't embarrass myself. So I started the first paragraph of The Gravedigger's Handbook. Sister Maria realized and snatched the book from me. I was sent to the corridor and everyone laughed. Then, a boy taunted me with a book. He laughed at me and asked if I could read a word for him. Rudy told me to ignore him. Soon, I couldn't help help it. I took the book from the boy (Ludwig Schmeikl) and he smiled over his shoulder. I threw it away and kicked him in the groin. He fell to the floor. I lost my temper and shrieked. He laughed. I threw myself on him and scratched and clawed at him. A girl shrieked that I was going to kill him. I then stopped when I saw that boy. Tommy Müller. He was smiling like an idiot. I fumed and started punching him, too. He started wailing and asking what I was doing. I stopped, and, on my knees, I sucked in air. I listened to the groans. I said, "I'm not stupid." No one said a word.
Rudy Steiner
A few days after my first bath, Mama let me out to play with other kids. Soccer was being played, and soon it was me against this boy. I figured out that his name was Rudy Steiner. When other kids tried to make me go away, he smiled and told them to let me stay. Once when I blocked a goal, I smiled. Then, a snowball hit my face hard. Rudy was smiling. "Saukerl." I whispered. Later, he took me around and showed me things. He told me more about people. At school, he always looked for me. He started taunting a man named "Pfiffikus". He yelled at the both of us. Once, Rudy challenged me to a race. If he won, he got to kiss me. Why would he want to kiss me? If I won, I wouldn't have to be goalie. It turned out to be a draw. He asked for the kiss and I said never. He said that one day, I would be dying to kiss him. Ha! I vowed that as long as both of us lived, I would never kiss that Saukerl. I looked at my suit. It was covered with mud. Mama was going to kill me.
Nightmares and Papa
For a long time, it was hard in my new home. I kept having nightmares. I kept on seeing my dead brother. I would wake up screaming in the middle of the night. Papa would come in and comfort me. He would always be there and not go. Not even when I went back to sleep. I would always wake up again to see he was there. I enjoyed his thereness. I could really trust him. He also sometimes brought his thing called an accordion. He played it for me and I would smile-I never had music before. He played until Mama yelled, "STOP THAT NOISE, SAUKERL!" He winked at me and I winked back. Sometimes, he even played it at breakfast. He wouldn't be finished with his bread and jam. You could see the teeth marks. The music just appeared. I liked it.
Inside the Home and Saumensch
There are still marks on my hands from the snow and red, frozen blood. I learned that the tall man is my new Papa. The short, mean woman is my new Mama. I have to call them that. Papa has that paper roll in his mouth all the time, and Mama is always mad. This evening, I didn't want to take a bath. She yelled, "Saumensch, du dreckiges!" She called me a filthy pig and asked why I wouldn't undress. I grabbed something so she wouldn't give me a bath. Then, Papa came in and told her to stop, He asked me if I knew how to roll a cigarette, and then we started playing with the paper and powder. Papa started to smoke them. When we finished, I could roll it up and it wasn't bad. I didn't take a bath either.
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